Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Fifty Shades Freed- This Review Might Literally Kill Me

I really have to do this now, don't I? Even though I'm getting around to this much later than I originally intended and it's kind of too late already because the movie is already out and probably nobody cares anymore so what's even the fucking point? Oh, alright...

(Warning: Spoilers and NSFW-ness ahead. Also, anger, general snark, and rude language. You get the idea by now.)

 Even now that the Greypocalypse has already happened, I find myself struggling to give this review my all. I've long since accepted that reading bad books and watching bad movies just to tear them apart is basically my "thing", but there comes a point when it goes from being fun to feeling like an obligation. I think I hit this point when I finally posted my Fifty Shades Darker review. Being a slow writer + going into overkill mode + not feeling as enthusiastic about it as I was even just last week really took a toll on my psyche. And as much as I have to say about Fifty Shades Freed I really don't think I have another review like that in me. I'll try to make this one as painless for everyone as possible. So let's just dive right in, shall we?

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Versatile Blogger Award Nomination!

Wow, my Twitter following pretty much exploded overnight. Thanks so much to everyone on the Books, Blogs, Authors, and More forum on Goodreads who is now following me! If anyone else is looking to promote their blog or get some helpful feedback on writing or blogging, I highly recommend this forum.

In other news, thank you so much, Sophie at and Mary Jane at for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

So I Figured I'd Post a Piece of my Own Work for Once... (NSFW)

So, I feel like since I'm trying to get serious about this blogging thing now, I should make more of an effort to post on a regular and frequent basis. Unfortunately, I've been quite distracted this weekend and my Fifty Shades Freed review has been pretty slow-going. So I thought I might take a quick breather from that to post a story of mine from a few months back that was essentially the product of me challenging myself to write an erotic fan fiction better than that One Really Infamous Twilight One that I've been relentlessly tearing to shreds.

So, yeah, a few words of warning first: First off, it is a Harry Potter fan fiction, so if that's not your cup of tea, fine. However, it's not exactly the most... traditional; original characters only, and pretty light on plot. So yeah, it's a lemon. With an extremely rushed ending that I never bothered to go back and rewrite. And just to make sure all my bases are covered and no one is scandalized, I, uh, kind of started out writing this down as a fantasy involving... let's say a girl and a guy close in age to myself and my Proper Gentleman Friend, so yeah, adults role playing as teenagers. *looks around uncomfortably* Also, despite the suggestive themes of the first short story of mine I posted on this blog, this one is my first real attempt at erotica. So I may very well be actually worse at this than EL James... although my ego wants to believe otherwise.

I'd really appreciate any feedback you're willing to give me. And yes, I do promise that my Fifty Shades Freed review is coming soon.

(WARNING: Veeeeeery NSFW content ahead. Also, unedited fan fiction, if that's something you tend to steer clear of.)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

My Fifty Shades Movie Review (For Real this Time)

Well, I guess I can't put this off any longer. It's not so much that I've been dreading this review that had me putting it off for so long as it is the fact that I mostly just needed a break from all this Fifty Shades crap. Well, I say that... and then I go and continue to read 50 Shades "Snark Week" on BBGT, gaze impassively at all the 50 Shades Abuse posts on my Twitter feed until my eyes glaze over, and read movie review after movie review until my own review seems increasingly irrelevant. Now, it's not like I click on every link which mentions this tripe in the title, but even when I say I'm exhausted from my own hatred and clearly need to take a break I still find it hard not to indulge just a little bit. It's like a disease or something. I think I need help.

So what did I think of the movie?

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The Movie Review You've All Been Waiting For...

 YOU GUYS. Bad Books, Good Times is now following me on Twitter! I can't help but feel ridiculously giddy about this because in the relatively short time I've been reading their blog, Ariel and Matthew have basically become my book-blogging idols. I have no idea how it happened, since this blog has probably about five readers and was being followed on Twitter by only two (now three!) people, so for me this is pretty big. I do feel like I have a lot to live up to now, though. I should probably get my shit together and maybe try to stick to a regular posting schedule or something. But thank you so much to BBGT for the support/ego boost/inspiration!

Anyway... Those of you who have been following me for a little while now are probably wondering where my scathing review of a particular movie is. So without further ado, I present my review of...




Thursday, February 12, 2015

Fifty Shades Darker- A (very belated) Review

(Warning: spoilers, slight NSFW-ness, and extreme snarkiness ahead. All those easily offended, abandon ship now). 

*Sigh* Yes, I am still reviewing this shit. Since it's actually been quite a while since I gave this book a complete read-through I really should've reviewed it a long time ago, but despite having all these thoughts festering inside me I couldn't muster the energy to just write it all down. So basically the only reason this is finally getting done is because the movie will be out this weekend and I have this weird sense of duty to review the rest of the books before then. I'm starting to get the sense that this trilogy is becoming to me what the Star Wars Prequels are to Mr. Plinkett/Red Letter Media; I have a duty to the world to explain in-depth why these books (and pretty soon the movie) are so awful, even if it's a couple years too late.

I know that I have made many a self-deprecating joke in the past about being an "emotional masochist", but it's moments like these when I wonder if I really am way more masochistic than I claim to be. It's true that I do kind of get off on my hatred get kind of a weird pleasure out of how bad these books are, but Fifty Shades Darker, perhaps more so than its predecessor, is one of those epically bad books that really rides the line between entertaining and infuriating. If I could sum it up in one word, I think you can guess what it would be.


Monday, February 9, 2015

The Pervocracy: Fifty Shades of Grey Index

The Pervocracy: Fifty Shades of Grey Index

In case anyone was curious, here's a link to the 50 Shades read-through I mentioned in last night's post. It's really fantastic, hilarious, and insightful, in regards to kink as well as relationships in general.  

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Why Fifty Shades of Grey is a Bestseller: My Personal Theory

The time is almost upon us, dear reader: the inevitable doom that is the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. So for those of you still tuning in, you should know that you're going to be hearing a lot more from me on the subject until the fateful day arrives. I'm kind of writing all of this off the top of my head, so it may get longer, more rambling, or more stream-of-concious-y as I go on.

(WARNING: Disgruntled ranting, naughty language, snarky attitude and general rudeness ahead. All those easily offended are advised to leave the internet now.)

In case any of you were wondering, no, I will never get tired of ranting about Fifty Shades of Garbage. Well, that's kind of a lie; I do get sick of hearing about it and discussing it plenty of times, but after a while I'll come back around to it eventually. It's like a wellspring of entertaining hatred and masochistic frustration that will never die as long as the media still insists on dredging it up repeatedly. I used to feel this way about Twilight  to a slightly lesser extent, but now that the movies are done with and no one talks about it anymore the anti-fandom has basically been rendered pointless. It's just not fun to criticize anymore. And one day, perhaps sooner than we think, the blessed day will come when FSOG fades into near obscurity as well. But until it does, here I am.